July 10, 2007
Every July 4th, we have a tradition. We sweep the kitchen floor, grab some live lobsters, paint numbers on their backs, set ‘em down, and bang, they’re off at the gun. First lobster to the other end of the kitchen floor wins and gets to live an extra three minutes. Usually, no lobster makes it to the other end of the kitchen floor, so we just take the one who has worked the hardest and proclaim him the winner. Gentlemen’s bets are common, because throw-away money is scarce in these parts.
Well, I was planning to video the lobster race this year, so that I could share the fun with you all. But this year has been busier than most, so I made an executive decision at race time. I looked in the bag, called it a draw, and, about 20 minutes later, here we were. Believe me, this photo is more exciting than the video would have been anyway. There may be a few who can fish better than I can, but there is no one who can eat lobster better than I can.
June 26, 2007
We are proud to announce only the second inductee into the Skunk Report Hall of Fame!
We do not know the name of this intrepid angler, nor the details surrounding his amazing feat. The fish is in the boat, but we still do not know the final result of the fight.
If we ever find out who and where this fellow is, we will mail him his award immediately. Try not to be jealous.
halloffame2.wmv
I was out on the breakwater recently, and a man came up to me.
“Just what kind of gear does a master fisherman like you use?” he asked, or words to that effect. I told him he had asked the right man and proceeded to advise him.
Later, I thought I’d share the answer to his penetrating question with you all, using a photo, which is, as they say, worth a thousand words. If I can save a thousand words, then I don’t have to work as hard, by George. So here is the stuff without which I would never venture out into the wild, packed into my trunk:
June 25, 2007
You can’t stink at something unless you go out and try it. I have some spectacularly sad tales to tell about the past week, but they won’t edify anyone unless I post them here. Being a bad blogger is a lot easier than being a bad fisherman. Tonight’s the night.
The secret to Thomas Edison’s success? “I make mistakes faster than anyone else.” Amen.
Thomas must have been pretty fast, all right, because I am making mistakes as fast as I can but am still pegged at zero percent on the success meter. I guess that makes me a success, right? If you can’t be the best, be the worst (or the wurst in Deutchland).
June 15, 2007
June 13, 2007
A long shadow is cast across the sand.
There is a new old man in town, and he’s gunning for fish.
His face is set like flint towards the sea. He is well-equipped.
His rod is long, and he knows how to use it.
No more working.
No more sleeping.
No more social events.
No more bathing and changing the underwear.
No more long nights without a fish by his side.
No excuses.
Let’s fish.
June 5, 2007
Now here is a man who not only couldn’t boat his fish, but allowed the fish to boat him.
Captain Ahab is the first member of the Skunk Report Hall of Fame. Congratulations, Ahab! I’ll mail out your prize sometime next week.
P.S. Yes, I know a whale is not a fish. Do you think I am that ignorant? Well?
June 4, 2007
So you think you’re bad, eh? Let’s see how you stack up against the skunkmeister! Right below our logo, you will find a new feature, the skunk-o-meter, that proudly displays the elapsed time since I have landed a fish. It looks like this:
*** 13 days since catching a fish! ***
When you are adding up your consecutive days of bad luck, remember that it is immoral to cheat by including days spent in the hospital or on business trips to the Sahara, etc. Hooking and losing a fish is okay. Hooking a fish and losing your gear counts is great. Seeing a fish swim by is normal.
Good luck!
June 1, 2007
Perhaps you have seen this:
This is old hat. Personally, I like my version:
Fish Want Me
Women Fear Me
Be on the lookout for Skunk Report gear with this stunning slogan!
May 30, 2007
Well, now that I am back in the saddle, so to speak, the image upload function on the Skunk Report has failed. Hang on, while I poke around.
Oh, while tossing a few casts into Falmouth Harbor at lunchtime today, I used my manly 9-foot rod to accidentally snag the hook remover pliers right out of my pocket and fling them into the harbor. I spent about 20 minutes dangling way over over the bulkhead, trying to hook the rod tip onto the lanyard loop on the pliers. Guess what? 
Got fish? Nope. Got pliers? Yup.
And, the image uploader works!
The day is not all bad. We’ll keep trying, however.
