A while ago, the Skunkmeister promised to do book reviews, and, therefore, procured a book. Well, that book degenerated into philosophizing after about six words. By the first 50 pages we had discussed all manner of uninteresting things, and so I put it down and said, “Fie on this nonsense.” If I want anecdotes about the minutiae of a trivial and stupid life, I’ll read my own stuff. I give it a P-factor of about 7 of 10. That is my first review.

Anyway, I have been reading about the unusual 26th president of the United States, Theodore Roosevelt, whose pomposity factor was pretty significant. He led what the rest of us would consider a full life before he was 21. Anyway, a book about the last great adventure of his life, entitled River of Doubt, tells of Roosevelt’s little field trip down a previously unexplored river in the bowels of the Amazon basin. Apparently, the atmosphere was so oppressive that several North American members of the expedition swam like so:

The former president described as “a great, fat fish.” Naturally, my thoughts turned to invasive species.

This photograph was one of the first documented examples of an invasive species in a South American river system. The great fat fish, which became known south of the border as the Great White Gringo, is still a rarity, and, when spotted by locals, is greeted with much curiosity, hooting, and occasional gunfire.

Interestingly, a smaller and darker version of this fish is invading the river systems of North America, notably the Rio Grande.

These unusual variants generally swim in only one direction, and scientists speculate that these creatures have some undocumented internal compass that aims them to the north. These little brown fish spawn uncontrollably.

This is a problem that no scientist, engineer, chemist, or individual sharpshooter has been able to solve. Our government policy is to be nice to the little brown fish in the hopes that they will simply stop coming or at least stay out of sight, but that approach appears to be failing.

River of Doubt is a cool book and includes stuff about piranhas. Hey, maybe we should introduce piranhas into the Rio Grande and see if that helps reduce the burgeoning little brown fish population.