We are proud to announce only the second inductee into the Skunk Report Hall of Fame!
We do not know the name of this intrepid angler, nor the details surrounding his amazing feat. The fish is in the boat, but we still do not know the final result of the fight.
If we ever find out who and where this fellow is, we will mail him his award immediately. Try not to be jealous.
I was out on the breakwater recently, and a man came up to me.
“Just what kind of gear does a master fisherman like you use?” he asked, or words to that effect. I told him he had asked the right man and proceeded to advise him.
Later, I thought I’d share the answer to his penetrating question with you all, using a photo, which is, as they say, worth a thousand words. If I can save a thousand words, then I don’t have to work as hard, by George. So here is the stuff without which I would never venture out into the wild, packed into my trunk:
You can’t stink at something unless you go out and try it. I have some spectacularly sad tales to tell about the past week, but they won’t edify anyone unless I post them here. Being a bad blogger is a lot easier than being a bad fisherman. Tonight’s the night.
The secret to Thomas Edison’s success? “I make mistakes faster than anyone else.” Amen.
Thomas must have been pretty fast, all right, because I am making mistakes as fast as I can but am still pegged at zero percent on the success meter. I guess that makes me a success, right? If you can’t be the best, be the worst (or the wurst in Deutchland).
A long shadow is cast across the sand.
There is a new old man in town, and he’s gunning for fish.
His face is set like flint towards the sea. He is well-equipped.
His rod is long, and he knows how to use it.
No more working.
No more sleeping.
No more social events.
No more bathing and changing the underwear.
No more long nights without a fish by his side.
No excuses.
Let’s fish.
Now here is a man who not only couldn’t boat his fish, but allowed the fish to boat him.
Captain Ahab is the first member of the Skunk Report Hall of Fame. Congratulations, Ahab! I’ll mail out your prize sometime next week.
P.S. Yes, I know a whale is not a fish. Do you think I am that ignorant? Well?
So you think you’re bad, eh? Let’s see how you stack up against the skunkmeister! Right below our logo, you will find a new feature, the skunk-o-meter, that proudly displays the elapsed time since I have landed a fish. It looks like this:
*** 13 days since catching a fish! ***
When you are adding up your consecutive days of bad luck, remember that it is immoral to cheat by including days spent in the hospital or on business trips to the Sahara, etc. Hooking and losing a fish is okay. Hooking a fish and losing your gear counts is great. Seeing a fish swim by is normal.
Good luck!
Perhaps you have seen this:
This is old hat. Personally, I like my version:
Fish Want Me
Women Fear Me
Be on the lookout for Skunk Report gear with this stunning slogan!